The new year is a period well suited for contemplating change. I have decided to change the way I think of "myself." With certainty that the "self" with a small "s" is construction of thought artifacts and having no tangible substance, it is possible change that construct, in the same way that a computer user interface can be adapted to the needs of the user. I no longer need to interface with the world using the construct of PTSD, its just not useful anymore.
Today, I start reading my Christmas present, The Lotus Sutra. I'm not too familiar with this text, having concentrated on the Diamond and Heart Sutras, and the teachings Bodhidharma. This text arrived at my hands through my best friend and wife, completely unbidden as wisdom usually does. The story that I recall from this sutra involves a girl who leaves her family's estate to see the world. The short version is that she loses her money, her pride, her ego and has basically hit rock bottom. She winds up at a rich land owner's house and asks for work in the stables. The land owner (who happens to be her father) agrees, and she works there for years until she finally wakes up realizes he is her father and that this was the home she left. In tears, she confesses to her father who is grateful to have her back and gives her her inheritance. I've been in the stables for years, and now feel like its time to wake up.